When leading hurts

Sep 2, 2022 12:46 AM

I really enjoy what I do. As an IC for so many years, I struggled to feel a meaningful connection with my managers. Now that I’m in a position of leadership, I’ve decided to do things in a way that are more meaningful.

It’s hard to build trust and create a place of safety in the work place. Our jobs in many cases are a life source. Providing the monetary necessity to provide for ourselves and others. Being vulnerable tends to be the least instinctive way to participate. But it’s the only way to move forward and be successful.

Today was a hard day. Really a culmination of several hard moments over the past couple of months. One of those seasons as a leader where you’re constantly sifting through your thoughts. Looking for moments of clarity. Trying to put together a puzzle but feeling like the pieces aren’t quite coming together. Ultimately, I’ve come to this, truth leading hurts when you do it right. When your heart is really in it and you care.

As a leader I want to get it all right. I want my team to feel empowered and valued. I want workflows to fit the needs of everyone. And I want the business to be successful. The reality is the outcome of most of this isn’t solely up to me and my best efforts. It’s a humbling truth really. One can give it their all and have all the best intentions and still fall short. This is where vulnerability is expressed best. It’s not during seasons of success and greatness. It’s during seasons of growth and grit.

There is power in the pause. As leaders we tend to push. Inspire the team by pushing them toward the mission. But some moments just need leaders to pause. The pause recognizes the human condition. To feel the feels. To recognize the exhaustion or frustration. The pause takes being vulnerable.

Life is seasonal. Leadership is no exception. I’m on a journey. I’m feeling all the feels. I’m choosing to pause.